[::..to a friend .. she should know who she is ....::]
She don't seem to be smiling . After her boyfriend left her waiting . She still awaits for his presence but still he gave her the ignorance . She shed tears and she's becoming worse . She's bleeding inside wishing he would make things right . She longed to be loved by this person . She love him with definite reason . However he abandon the love they created . The love she thought was sacred . A moment he's there , next minit he's nowhere . Memories of them can never be erased . He , she can't possibly replace . The sweet remembrace of them will still lingers ..
Why do ppl come and go ? are their presence just for show ?
If it is , why are they here in the first place ? Knowing the memories can't possibly be erase .. why they gave their love away when eventually we are left astray ?
Why they gave empty promises when finally its not 'us' they misses ..
If we knew this would happen .. why don't you kill us first ? slit our wrists or suffocate us to end our misery ..........then killing us slowly .. it damn hurts !! mayB most guys are just self-centred freaks !
loner_freaky - 10:08 AM
[::..WHY AM I STILL BREATHING ??..::]
I NEED A CONCRETE REALISTIC GOAL . I NEED A REASON TO GET UP EVERY MORNING , TO SMILE AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AFTER I BRUSHED MY TEETH AND SAY ," YOU'RE ONE STEP CLOSER " . THAT HIT ME HARD ON MY HEAD . AWAKEN MY BRAIN CELLS WHICH ARE PARTIALLY NUMB . I NEED A REASON TO LENGHTEN MY EXISTANCE . IF NOT I WILL NOT CHOOSE TO LIVE .. YOU WILL THEN GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE ME FREEZE IN THE BEAUTIFUL BED . A BED FOR THE DEAD - ( THE COFFIN ) .
PERHAPS I'LL BE SMILING IN MY DEEP SLEEP . A SLEEP WITH AN ETERNAL PEACE ..
loner_freaky - 12:03 AM
Thursday, July 27, 2006
I PUKE THE DAY AWAY ......
loner_freaky - 12:35 AM
If you were the tadpole
I'll be the frog
I'll wait for your legs to grow
Then I'll teach you how to croak .
If you were the pen
I'll be the paper
You wrote yours lies
Still I'll believe it , however .
If you're the key
I'll be the door
All I know
Is YOU , I adore .
If you were to sing
I'll be your song
I'll wait for you
No matter how long ..
I really like you
Infact I love you alot
But you are like the string
While I'm like the knot ..
______________________________________
EQUATION , a new theory .
LOVE + LUST = LOST
SCHOOL + HOME = HELL
HOMEWORK+ASSIGNMENT = CRAP
NO RULES + NO RESTRICTION = FREEDOM
LESS EFFORT + LESS FOCUS = SOMEHOW SUCCESS .
# messed - up ..
loner_freaky - 12:13 AM
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
[::..to my friends whose in a rough patch ....::]
Everything you want , may not be the things you need .
The advises you need . you may not heed .
Loving her would only make you bleed .
Why hang on ? when she's gone ??
Guess your love is so strong to let it go .
Perhaps your smiles and laughters are just for show .
Deep inside you , the pain is ripping you apart
But still she's the only one in your cracked heart ..
Don't deny when its apparent .
Don't bottle up the feelings . let it out to me .
I'm your friend .
I'll be glad if you tell me .
loner_freaky - 11:58 PM
Monday, July 24, 2006
Silence is where boredom lies within yourself .. It reminds you of your black past , failed romance and your demoralising weaknesses .. It will hypnotised you with the sinful and most dreadful event maybe the horrendous ones . Thus remorse and guilt surface .. You know , those are mistakes yet it haunt u ., The feeling and thoughts kept contradicting the fact .. It won't ease until there's music ! Music where it helps me to think , to relax and ease my pain . The bleeding in my veins will slowly heal due to music . Music is my medicine ...... Especially the head-banging music ..
loner_freaky - 2:53 AM
Friday, July 21, 2006
[::..Currently doesn't refer to any1..::]
You almost make me cry again this time
Buried myself alive on the inside
My words don't just rhyme
It meant so much and I'm dissatisfied ..
Your ignorance and harsh tone
Make me bleed more emotionally
You rather let me be alone
Than being here with me ..
You gave me lame excuses
Sometimes you never return my calls
You making things even worst
Damn ! you still got the balls ..
Why you still hold on to me ?
When you change to a fucker
Your promises are true holey
In my eyes , you are indeed my murderer ..
You can kill me with a single phrase
Without even llifting a finger
Its such a waste
You are the one I treasure ..
IF NOT IT WOULD BE OVER BY NOW ..
loner_freaky - 1:20 AM
Thursday, July 20, 2006
[::..the truth beneath me ....::]
Darkness is where I lay
to put my memories on play
As it dance along
with the unknown song
I am hypnotised
Never did I realised
That the pain is still in me
Its killing me softly ..
In a blink of an eye ,
My tears stars to dry
Dry by the warm cheeks of mine
The cheeks HE SAID was fine ..
The images slowly drift apart
An ache I felt in my heart ..
It stops my breathing momentarily
My thoughts return to reality ..
LIGHTS ON ..
I came back to life ..
Darkness is where I stop to pretend
I'll try to survive
You will never ever understand ..
My thoughts are different . Its not twisted yet its churn ..
loner_freaky - 2:17 AM
[::..ME..::]
MOST FREQUENT WORDS OR PHRASES I SPOUT ARE - fuck , damn , crap , shit , ass-hole , bitch , go-and-die and 'mentally challenged' .
PEEP KNOWN ME AS - loner , dissatified soul , chucky and poem freak .
HATE ME FOR - my fucked-up attitude , my irritating accent , my foul mouth and my black past .
BE MY FRIEND WHEN - you fancy me , like my styles , appreciate my poems , love the songs I listen to or at least shut your trap when you hate my songs and when you LOVE me for ME .
HATE TO BE - victimised , kept waiting , provoke , irritated , critised and perhaps YOU ..
I DESPISE - sex maniac , aggressive wanker , chatterbox , drug addicts , smart snobbish ass - holes and peeps who are full of themselves .
MY ATTENTION CAUGHT BY - guys with styles , mohawk hairstyles or 'botak' , multiple piercing , cute or handsome and cool tattoos .
I WILL MELT WHEN - he sings to me with guitar in his hands , rock - out at the stage performing in front of me and give me his adorable smile and the kiss I would die for .
I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT - $$$ , HIM AND SINS !
loner_freaky - 2:17 AM
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
I've drained out my energy ..
It no longer meant anything to me
Why must we study so hard ?
When we are bound to fall apart ..
I tried . I force my soul
To be strong and did what I was told
Guess what ? I failed again
I'm tired of this pain
Its making me sick
I am really weak ..
loner_freaky - 3:07 AM
Sunday, July 16, 2006
[::..YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING !!!!!..::]
When I first saw you , I'm scared to talk to you . When I first talked to you , I'm scared to kiss you . When I first kissed you , I'm scared to love you . Now that I love you , my biggest fear is losing you ..
_____________________________________________________________________
loner_freaky - 10:10 PM
Thursday, July 13, 2006
[::..Tell me this ain't true....::]
I not only want to be told that I am in love BUT I really want to know that I am loved .
You said . you claim . I believe . I suppose . I assume that whatever you said is nothing but the deepest truth .. I perceive you never lied to me . I hope I don't love and trust you blindly .. I wish you heal me instead of making me bleed more .. I'll just wait ..
Tragedies occured long before ,
Before my heart is with you ,
Honeyed words are my bore ,
Start convincing me that your love is true ..
If bleeding is the answer to my relief
If tears is the key to my comfort
How can I possibly leave
When I'm bound of gettin hurt ..
My soul will never be appease ,
My heart won't patched - up again ,
If you kept giving me these ,
You will never ease my pain ..
*tell me i'm worth loving for ..
loner_freaky - 3:25 AM
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
SORROW IS IN PEOPLE'S BLOOD . THEY WON'T REVEAL IT , IT'S NOT FOR SHOW , PERHAPS THEY'LL ASK THEMSELVES , WILL WE STILL BE ALIVE TOMORROW ??
THAT'S WHERE INSANITY , HALLUCINATION OCCURS , WHEN THEY ARE SENSELESS , WHEN THEY TURN NUMB . THEY HOPE THEY COULD STOP THE TIME OR EVEN TWIST IT AROUND ..
There are dissatisfied souls roaming and still wandering . They lost their way eventhough there are signs up there or are they still shooting signs in the air ?
They need help yet they dun want it . They are crying inside yet they hide it . They are confuse . They felt the blues BUT then again , NOBODY CAN STOP THEIR PAIN ...
loner_freaky - 2:55 AM
[::..??..::]
If life is a bed of roses ,
Why do suicide occurs ?
If education is important ,
Why are there unemployment ?
If love is wonderful ,
Why are there heartbreakers ?
If he loves you ,
Why he left u alone ?
If he cares ,
Why he's not there ?
If he's the one ,
Why he broke your heart ??
LIKE I SAID , LOVE AND LIFE IS NEVER FAIR , THE QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ARE STUCK IN THE AIR .. IF U COULD JUST SIT AND REFLECT , WHAT I SAID , IS INDEED THE FACT ..
loner_freaky - 2:32 AM
Monday, July 10, 2006
Restless . I felt like i'm dragging my feet to school most of the days . I hated school alot since I was in sec 2 , my no. of latecoming n poor attendance in school kept maximixing . Yeah , I love playing truant but I gotta quit this . I'm trying very hard n I really hope my efforts are not in vain . I wanna change n I got to abide the school rules . Punctuality , responsibilty and other shits .. Damn .. I hate rules . You know that . I just can't wait for this next hurdle to end . What I meant was my '0' levels . I know I don't deserve any impressive grades due to my reluctance to do revision n paying full attention in the class of course .. In class , I am known as the sleeping queen and I dun deny the fact that I am .. Nothing can make me stay awake except An's motivational words and HIM .. How I envy u , smart - ass !
I'd brought water
I'd brought sweet(s)
To kept me awake
For the benefit ..
Cope with stress
Relax my brain
Music is my distress
And ease my pain ..
If you can motivate me
Do give me a hand
I hate to study
Yet I have to pretend ..
bluek ! pweeh ! eeeyer !
loner_freaky - 2:51 AM
Saturday, July 08, 2006
[::..deep inside my heart ....::]
Would you kill me ?
If I ask you to ?
Just to end my agony ,
When I'm with you .
Its hard to let you go ,
I rather end my life
You know I love you so
But I can't possibly survive ..
I kept doubting u
Somehow u , I don't trust
I know you are my boo
Yet I'm afraid its just lust ..
My mind is in total mess
My vision are blurred
I hate to let this rest
As it will be absurd ..
It involves my status and my pride
It creates a big black hole in my heart
Assure me that , what we did was right
Then I believe that we won't be apart ..
I love you Asran ....
loner_freaky - 7:34 PM
Thursday, July 06, 2006
I call my house not a home but a hell
Some fuck story I preferred not to tell
There's still skeletons in my closet
If the truth leaks out , I'll turn more upset .
Lonely , dissatisfied adolescent
In my family eyes , I'm a burden
Due to my undefined ability
Makes them dislike me .
To them I'm a piece of crap
AND dreams of the moon NEVER fall on my lap
They rather see me bleed inside
Drenched myself by the tears I've cried .
I tried to make myself smile again
Hiding the unhappiness and the pain
Yet I failed n I failed
My efforts now are dead .
If I tell u , this is killing me ,
Would you stop it and ease my agony ??
I need you to continue to survive
To survive in this unpeaceful life .
Where betrayal , revenge and abhorent lies
You know no matter what , these will be minimise .
I wish . Before our earth is weigh down by tonnes of blood .
Before WE are drowning in the warm tears of our own .
Before everything turned to some freaking stone ....
loner_freaky - 12:30 AM
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
[::..I don't give a damn if u r into satanic ....::]
I'll be your ashes
I'll be your dust
I want you dead
Is all i ask ..
You hated me .
Why not you kill me ?
Stab , cut , rip me apart .
Lick my fucking blood
as a taste of your success .
Success that leads u to a mess .
Like you are living in someone's soul .
When you did what you are told .
When you turned partially blind .
Then you will hope for the answers you wanna find .
You indulge in sacrificial crap .
If not , I've long been in your trap ..
Follow your 'right' path .
loner_freaky - 3:18 AM
Sunday, July 02, 2006
[::..If you leave me , Asran ...::]
Your photo tell a thousand words
Your smile melts my heart
It meant so much then it hurts
Since we are unmistakably apart .
Your laugther is music in my ears
Your touch symbolise your care
Now,all I heard is just my sinful tears
and I got to learn you will never be there .
Memories will forever etch in my mind
My blood won't stop bleeding
When you left me alone behind
That was where my heart stop beating .
You knew I love you so deeply
Why ? You walk out from me ?
Without you , my life is empty
I'm filled with hatred , sorrow and insanity .
You won't ever ease my pain
You will never love me again
Tell me , all these will not remain
Tell me , this will just drain .
Because of you
I'll rot and soon will die
Thanks for making this true
I'll bid you goodbye ..
loner_freaky - 6:46 PM
Saturday, July 01, 2006
[::..Its ok !..::]
I knew that my poems and entries convey the wrong message that I'm a real sadist . I'm not the mentally challenged type . I just love to drown my sorrows in words or in songs and especially deep meaningful lyrics .. Well you can call me an emo but I don't dress like an emo punk . I still prefer goths . However my special partner is an emo punk . Therefore I love making more friends or even just an acquaintance to these emos .. They are cool indeed . Especially when they do have their own band or play any music instruments . god ! I just love 'em .
P/S : SO IF ANYONE OF YOU OUT THERE IS A POET , AN EMO PUNK , A GOTH , A dissatisfied soul like me , WELCOME to my life ... I'm please to meet ya !!
loner_freaky - 8:57 PM